Porn is love you can see.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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