DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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