I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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