: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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