So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
