So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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