I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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