I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
