i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she told me i tasted like america
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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