walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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