I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
