the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
