which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
