remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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