i think i have two assholes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
