Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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