Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
