I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
