So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
