Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
