Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
