Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
