if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
