I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
