You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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