he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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