I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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