Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
