I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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