and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
