We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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