if you like me you must not know who I am
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
