just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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