He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
