first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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