I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
