After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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