i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
