Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Mom said you looked used
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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