he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
