My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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