Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
