i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This is the high leading the old right now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
