I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
