There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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