The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
