You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
