No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
