Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
