apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
