Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
