Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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