I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
