ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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