he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
