Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize