I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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