if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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