how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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