I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
